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Don’t trust my make-up

Femininity is not only about wild curves and a fine face.

It has more to do with the calm soul inside that breathes still into every kind of chaos

It is not about the countless stilletos that swim out when you part the drawer

Or the artillery of make-up that sit till “forever” on the dressing table.

It is the adorable ‘you’ left standing when you get off your heels and wipe off all the make up

It is the unmerited compassion that overflows in the face of wrong

It’s the ocean of tears that laugh at your imperfections and scream at you to be louder than your fears

. … It’s the many special features only God can explain

The Real Woman .. loading

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THE PRAYING WOMAN

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It was 11:00 🕢 that night when I finally slid under my blanket to sleep. As I lay in bed waiting for my imaginations to embrace me and wrap me to sleep, I couldn’t get my little mind of the question my mum had asked me earlier that evening.
“Sweetheart, have you ever thought of what would happen when we go to heaven? ” Wouldn’t it be a good feeling ascending above this place to the stars? she asked with a delicate smile. I could feel her cheeks wrestle to keep their bloated size.
Young me responded with a smile that seemed to say “I can’t wait to be in paradise!!”
For some strange reason though,I only thought about the water mixed with fire and brimstone and rather left paradise alone. I guess because I was a kid then,fear came more naturally to me than the whole concept of salvation and choice.
I put the pillow on my head and tried to imagine what fire it would be like.What the devil will look like?His smile..No the devil doesn’t smile..His frown…Is he even happy I’m thinking about him..At this point,I could imagine the devil chasing me in my head.Three steps away,I could see a large mass of ocean . It was difficult to chose to either drown or embrace the devil. I was literally between the devil and the deep blue sea.It was obvious my imaginations were running out of proportion and bumping into each other in my little head.
Suddenly I heard footsteps from the corridor approaching,I closed my eyes tightly and pretended to sleep. I noticed my mum take a peep at my room,fall for my trick and walk over to sit by my bed.
Now,my heart beat was completely out of rhythm..Too many questions running through my head.I asked myself, “Is this what she does every single day when I am asleep.Too many scenes of Patience Ozokwor ran through my mind. (lmao) She shut my fears out when she calmly knelt by my bed, closed her tired eyes and started whispering words.
She said,
Dear God,
I thank you so much for giving me such a jewel for a gift.I asked for a pearl,you gave me diamonds.
I commit his goldmine of a mind into your care.There’s nothing that he’ll be that shouldn’t come from you.I pray that he increases in wisdom to chose carefully from friends and be able navigate through the ones that’ll come enshrouded in land mines.
Tonight,as his young mind rests,I pray that you weave into it goodness and life. Mould him into a masterpiece with texture that feels exactly like you.
I have only until adolescence to make so much impact.Please help me to make a good one.
Put him on a path of fortitude and make him find your love through me…Put a compass inside his heart,that he’ll never get lost from you.
….In Jesus name,Amen….
By now,half of her prayers were answered,I was surely gon’ follow all of this love shown me in one night right back to its source.

Looking back,I realise I have done just that.The few times I tried to veer off,it took looking back at the day mum planted me in his vineyard to switch the lanes again and get back on track.The compass has never stopped working. All the voices that stood between my temptations and myself. That was HIM,talking me out of the strong peer pressure,drugs and debauchery.

I don’t know how many adults can remember their praying parents.
I know know how many remember their roots still planted on their Sunday school premises.
But indeed, before you had grounds to stand on and draw spiritual battle lines, they were already on the war front for you.
Before you knew to lick honey and use mnemonics to study ,they prayed for wisdom and understanding for you.
Before you became so debonair and started using make-up shipped down straight from the states, they tucked your arms into tommy hilfiger lacostes, shoved your tiny limbs down some faded jeans and trudged you very slowly to church every Sunday.
All the charisma,all the restraint,all the love inside your heart have a BIG history with mum and Dad.
The next time you are in your closet,pray for replenishment for them.
That their cups brim with goodness from the 80s, steadfastness from the 90s and the love of God that knows no eternity.

Mrs to Miss

Too many shots to the kidney and yet I was still out of phase with oblivion. My predicament stood right in front of me and  rather made too many duplicates of itself. 

I was very tipsy and yet my problems felt more tangible than the fat bill of unreasonably expensive drinks that lay on the table. The images of Kwame’s disappointed face and his back turned towards my shrewd disenrobed self kept flashing in my mind and making the hopelessness in the situation even  harder for me to bear..

“I have to stop drinking”, I clearly thought to myself. It wasn’t helping me forget the slightest memories..It just made them sharper and more concrete in my thick, ruthless head. 

Kwame left me home alone  after six fine years of marriage. I can’t even imagine what evil could be happening with him wherever he  is because I  know what a good man he ‘s always been.  

What I don’t know is how many last chances he’s  willingly to give to a disloyal face like mine. 

It’s  true what they say. You never value what you have till you lose it. 

He never complained about my most stealthy moves even when I felt suspicious about my own actions. 

I’ve felt so many times that I didn’t deserve a man like Kwame. A man who knows your every flaw and yet somehow manages to remind himself of his own faults and give forgiveness another chance.

That’s what made me want to stick with him for a lifetime; knowing that our relationship could hit rock bottom and still emerge buoyant and fail-safe.  

T.O.D.A.Y


TODAY

I chose to allay all my fears and let my faith have the best of me.

I have learnt to swallow my pride and let the glory of God breathe me in.

Memories of all the hard times keep suffocating my praise.

It’s time to pause my own music and give God the turntable
TODAY

I  choose to close the chapter on my ingratitude

I’ve learnt a lesson about pipelines in between dark tunnels

That there’s always a calm after the storm

God lights the match even before you enter the tunnel

And that the darkest part is just before the dawn
TODAY

I’ll dip my feather in a fresh bottle of ink

I’ve been telling the story all wrong

From behind a  smoke screen of lies

My diary has written off all my testimonies

Keeping record of wrongs I have rued

And attempting to write a story which sequel only God knows

TODAY

I’ll clean it all up, I’ll burn up the pages and turn over a new leaf

I’m  learning to forgive myself so that God can forgive me

I’ll throw the spotlight on my hay moments

And dim the cameras on my lowliest days
TODAY

My  salvation can lose all of its guilt

My addictions can grind to a halt

The court can go on  recess because Christ eventually dropped the gavel for me.

He paid the ransom and walked me all the way home.

I don’t owe my past half a dime!’

My Commencement Day

“Your education is that one whistle waiting to be blown. As soon as you wear the gown, your life begins in a grand style. That has always been my mum’s anthem. 
Earn a degree before anything else. The future kicks off as soon you do. 

I’m a few minutes away from earning my much revered bachelor’s degree and guess what? 

I’ve lost it. I don’t believe what they always told me anymore.

I can’t dance to my mum’s tune anymore. I’ve lost touch with the rhythm. I’ve gained my own grounds and my roots are much firmer here. 

The future for me now begins the same moment you gain hold of your financial mastery. 

A degree without a good knowledge of money is an end in itself. Let’s get this straight. 

In my second year in the university, I had an offer to co-start a business on campus. I ridiculed my best friend the whole time she explained the terms and conditions to me and only attributed it to her current academic turmoil. 

She had dropped by a wide margin from first class to a low second class upper. 

“Lola, you’ll have to just sit up okay. 

You’ll do better I promise. Doing business isn’t a haven for this. Itll just skyrocket the tension.”

“Kwame, you don’t understand”, she countered.

‘I learn alright. I just have shifted my preference a bit. I’m going to finish school for sure”.  She opened the students portal on her phone and showed me her results for the past semesters.

“See, my least grade is a C and it’s only a few. The A’s and B’s are just not strong. Im totally fine. I know what I’m doing. Besides, Im not asking you to be like me. I just want you to be a part of this. It can be a 70-30; I don’t mind. “This is real life thesis, Kwame”

I was completely lost. We were on two different pages. She was in another book even. 

Where in the world was her mum? I could hire her mine to help clean this mess. “This is rubbish!! “.That was somewhere in my mind. 

“Okay okay , what about we learn together. I’m sure itll help a great deal”. To myself, I was being the empathetic friend. I was doing my course mate and best friend a big favor because she was obviously depressed and straying. On my scale, she was making an unnecessary, hasty decision. 

I understand you Kwame but I can’t let this opportunity slip though my fingers. Be on my team. Let’s sail together. I’ll take your advice and study more. Call me if you ever take mine. 

“I admire your energy Lola. I am in love with your idea. But I can’t fail my parents. I am sorry”.

Years down the line, I regret not only declining to be a part of Lola’s team but not getting this brainwave early enough. It’s not late. BUT it’s not so early either. 

Lola’s the CEO of “Aisle Media”. They’ve covered the biggest weddings and done a thousand decorations. 

I’m the proud owner of a piece of paper that spells a “specialization ” that would be questioned every other day on every panel. 

Today is our commencement ceremony. Lola is seated right beside me. 

She’s proved to me that she took my advice. She’s graduating with a first class like myself. 

Lola has the same sheet of paper. But wait-a-minute that’s not all.

She’s worked with lots and lots of people. She moved out of the school lab and savored real life experiences. She’s well networked and confident. Who can defend that sheet of paper better? 

I have only one lesson to share with the world today. 

“School doesn’t hold down the turntable on your opportunities. 

I’m not a fan of bad grades so I’ll plead with you to be into your books more than you’re into your finest crush while on campus. 

But then again, don’t let this write off your ideas. Don’t decline your contracts. 

Don’t you dare dim your goals. Increase your spirit

A good balance always does the whole magic.

Peace! “

God,grace and grease


When I thought I’d become a slave to my addictions

And life questioned my relentless struggles at my imperfections

You gave me a reason to relive my imaginations

Just when I thought the reality of my dreams had dawned on me and cleared my illusions
You lay me like the rejected stone in the corners of a new beginning

Just when my pillow refused to hold my head in peaceful sleep

And my prayers played kite and never came back

I believed God had turned his back on me for good

I thought myself a needle in a haystack

And lost hope of being ever happened upon
I was wrong in all directions

I had been too busy looking in the way of my rejections

I was stuck where my dreams and strength failed me

My breakthrough met me and filed past

While I threaded my way  wastefully through my past

Grace has found me now

It came on strong with a pat when I ignored the beckon

It spared me the hustle  and put me on my promised land

It taught me its voice and taught me to pray

My calories can burn with my devil in hell

All I have  now  is  God,Grace and Grease!

Final Whistle To the Blame Game

Before you call me beautiful, just know that beneath this silky skin are countless bruises and ghastly wounds that are still twitching and hurting to heal.
Before you open up to me to say how brilliant I am, remember to not overlook the pile of ignorance cremated and buried inside the head that bears this noble face 
Before you pelt me with insults, just lean over and hear how things have turned around and looked like what they seem. Confide in me and watch me point out accusers as perpetrators. 
Before you tag me problemless, take a tour in my corner.. See how many books on how to keep a positive outlook are still pending completion.. And Don’t forget to notice the huge volume of tears that endlessly evaporate and linger; condensing and raining back as sweat down the same eyes that cried them. 
Care-free would be a good replacement. 
Before you dare to raise a finger at me; conjuring appellations and making a hyperbole of what a discrete and stealthy person I am, know that before, I had a host of confidants that I was soon to realise as noiseless, bottomless barrels that I emptied my heart and mind into. 
Before you blame it on Kwashiorkor or late night eating, believe you me that proper nutrition and eating habits meant nothing the very moment a fibroid opened a new chapter in my own Bible and let me play Sarah’s role.. barren and pregnant at the same damn time
Before you envy why I have been singing soo vehemently in church all my 30 years, let me tell you how the same three decades ago, I leapt out of my mum minutes after she was marked for a CS that was bound to give life an option to choose only one of us. 
Each day I stand on any stage; I sing to the same God that chose both of us against all viable odds. 
Before you think I am an unworthy part of motherhood, find it at least worthy enough to believe that I spent to my last penny on rehabilitation before I lost my only daughter and a deaconess completely to death after heroine.
Ask yourself how many irresponsible mothers raise deaconesses. 
I wish clerical collars could wrap around addictions and hold them down instead of making them even harder to uncover
Before you call me dumbass and want to feel the thickness in my head, let me at least try and fail to count the many candles I’ve burnt trying to camp formulas and definitions only to wake up embraced by complete forgetfulness. 
Before you question my stern self and ask me to give trust a chance with you, first tell me why my own dad would look at me with attraction and cause me to live in fear and panic in all of my prime. 
Tell me how different you are from my dad
And tell me if blood isn’t thicker than water. 
Before you curse yourself and forever recount being last in class, count how many peers have bought your kind of oustanding, amazing, personality with red ticks and a 💯%
Before you question God about how unfortunate you are with filthy rich parents, ask yourself how many rich kids have found making good grades with effortless ease a hobby. 
Indeed, every one you meet is fighting a battle you have no idea of. God has engaged everyone for a purpose you are unaware of but your own. 
Kindness is a virtue we share together in our hearts. 
Offer a hand when it’s not overflowing of your own problems. 
Blunders maim even the very people who masterminded them. 
Disdain is like a plaster to a blister. It only rips of the new tissues and freshens the sore. 
Let’s Replace the Game of Blame and Slander with a habit of turning an ear of empathy and holding out a heart of charity. 
Through it all, We might be winning our own wars fighting another’s battle.
       ✌

A Sunken Heart

Like drowning pins, I’ve lost hope for all the love we shared.                                  When I took you for the last man in a blind world.                                                     And spent every breath Odomako gave me                                                               Loving you like there was never a future.  Then, Where was this different you!

I wore the best condoms to my dainty heart 
And let the least trustworthy promises come through 
I let you take me on the best ride of my life 
And now all I can look back to is the wildest goose chase… 
Then, Where was this nonchalant you!

 I know I have been fooled 
I have no evidence in court but I have been duped 
You christened the mines of my heart and left them bare 
Tried all I can to win back your love 
And yet like a needle in a haysack, you sneak out before my grasp.                   Then, where was this coy u! 

Lesson of my life, learnt in my very prime 
From the one I hoped to love till we both got on board the carriage with death 
In a more painful way than broken bones heal 
I’ll never fall in love again 
Until I have feet to stand through it all 
Until I can forget this deceitful you!